Sydney Morning Herald

My friends,

Some considerable time has passed since my last email to you all, and I should like to say that much has happened in that time. The truth, however, is that I have spent roughly half that time drunk and the other half asleep. There have also been occasional sorties to the beach, most recently on Sunday morning at the tail end of an all-night session in Bondi. I was hampered by not having any togs with me, so was forced to bathe as God created me. As a bonus, the young ladies with me were in a similar predicament, although they did manage to rustle up one bathing suit between them (one of the girls lived near the beach in Bondi Junction). Speaking of ladies, my luck on that front has been mixed so far. I suffered the indignity early last week of having an English bird do a legger on me while I was in the jacks. What a bitch, I said to myself, as I walked out on the street in Kings Cross with nothing but convenience stores and sex clubs in sight...

I have managed two weekends away to date. The first was some 3 weeks ago when 9 of us took on the epic journey to Palm Beach. Not the one in Florida but rather the one that is about an hour and a half from Sydney, noteworthy for the fact that the beach scenes in Home and Away are filmed there. Our hostel was in a rather dodgy town, whose name escapes me, and we spent the evening in the only open bar we could find, being entertained by a live band called "The Bowman Sistas". This band consisted of two birds - one of whom could play the guitar - and one of those annoying backing machines. The girls had clearly decided to make up for their lack of musical talent by dressing to please the lads. From one angle, which Cormac was kind enough to point out to me, you could get a reasonable view up the guitarist's short skirt. She also had the better knockers and, cruelly for the other bird, the better voice. Cormac and I enjoyed the view on offer until a burly Aussie, who we figured was probably the guitarist's boyfriend, started throwing menacing looks at us...

The weekend before last was spent in the Blue Mountains. Traditionally, a weekend in the Blue Mountains is spent going for long walks and admiring the scenery. We began our weekend by doing the Century Club on Friday night. This was a bit of a farce as we had only one shot glass between us. A glass with the correct measure was placed in the middle of the table, the idea being that everyone would use it as a guide as to how much drink to put in their glass. It quickly became clear to me that nearly everyone was under-cooking their measures - you know something's up when all 8 people (including 3 girls) make it to the end without anyone puking once. We saw fuck all scenery in the Blue Mountains, which suited me down to the ground. Pestered by the female contingent among us, we reluctantly agreed to walk down to a viewing point on Sunday where we were greeted to a glorious view of the Three Sisters (some bullshit Abbo rock formation).

Some of you have enquired as to whether I am working yet. While in no hurry whatsoever to re-enter the working world, I have taken the step of meeting with two recruitment consultants - one legal, one business - and fear that some work may come my way soon. Maybe even this side of Christmas.

That's about all for now,

Rob

P.S. Someone tell Big Willy his hotmail account has been deactivated.